iFix My Heart
by White Firebird
Summary: When Sam sees Freddie with another girl right as she's about to tell him how she feels about him...can she fix her broken heart?
1. worst day of my life

**Hola! I'm on a roll this month! Here's another story I recently got inspiration for after watching some old season one episodes...yes, I own all five volumes on DVD (I know, I'm a geek...but at least I'm dedicated!)...and it's amazing what you can come up with after watching material that's four years old. As for this...it's gonna be about four to five chapters, I haven't decided yet, it's not based off of any specific episode, and it's all mostly through Sam's POV. Hope you all enjoy this!**

**PS - I don't own anything.**

**PSS - Chapter six of Hello, Seattle will most definitely be up by the end of the month! :)**

This is the worst day of my life.

"Listen, I know that what happened between us in the past was bad..."

As I sat there, out of sight and out of mind, I slowly felt everything around me go into slow motion. Was this really happening?

"But since we re-entered each other's lives, we've grown closer..."

I felt a tear slowly begin to drip down my eyelid and slide down my cheek. He can't be doing this. Not after everything we've been through together...

"And I've had these feelings that I can't get rid of...I don't want to be 'just friends' with you anymore..."

If I stay here any longer, I feel as if I'm going to completely break down and wilt away. How could he betray me like this? And how could he do it so easily?

"Something tells me that you've got the same feelings for me too...so here goes..."

I close my eyes tightly, wishing that none of this was happening. The words are coming, and they're going to be like daggers to my already fragile heart...

"I want to be with you...I really like you...in fact...I think I love you..."

Opening my eyes, I see her jump into his arms, kissing him madly. I feel my heart falling through the air as a loud crack of thunder rumbles through the air. _Ironic._ But it's when she professes her love for him that I really, truly feel my heart shatter. The tears are freely falling now, and I can't stop them. I quietly walk away, making sure that he doesn't see me, and begin the long walk to the only place that I can call home, the only place where I feel completely **safe.**

As soon as I reach the front doors of the mall, the rain begins to pour down from above like bullets. I look up briefly, the cold water hitting my face and masking the tears. I shake my head and zip my hoodie up, pulling the hood over my head as I walk. Normally the rain makes me feel like running through the puddles and having a crazy good time...but now the rain will forever be linked with the day my heart was broken by the one boy who I thought understood me...who I thought loved me...

After walking through the rain for what felt for like forever, I'm in the lobby of my destination. I look over and I can see the old grumpy jerk is about to say something to me, most likely about the water I'm getting all over his floor, but I shoot him my meanest death glare, trekking up the stairs to the eighth floor. Upon reaching my destination, I glance over my shoulder at the door across the hall, staring at it as if it'll come to life or produce the boy who broke my heart into a million pieces. But before I can even knock or kick the other door down, it swings open and standing in front of me is my best friend in the entire world...and the one person who, right now, can help me to mend whatever is left of my heart and my sanity.

"Sam?", she asks softly, a hint of concern apparent in her voice. All I can do is feebly nod my head as I walk past her and into the bright apartment, stopping right before the couch. My lips are trembling, half because of the rain, half because of the pain I'm feeling right now. I don't dare look into her eyes, because I know that I'll crumble for good and lose all self composure if I do.

"Is everything alright?", she murmures, taking a small step forward, reaching out for me gently. I shake my head, the tears (or is it the rain water?) streaking down all parts of my face. I try to form a somewhat coherent sentence but...

"H-he...he..."

At that point, Carly grabs me and pulls me into a fierce hug, sitting us down on the couch. She's stroking my wet hair and just...holding me, trying to comfort me and be there for me as best as she can right now. More thunder crackles through the night as my sobs are now uncontrollable.

"I'm so sorry...it's gonna be alright, Sammy...we'll get through this together. You're gonna be ok, Carly's got ya..."

I bury my face deeper and deeper into her shoulder with each word spoken. How can everything possibly get better from here? He just ripped my heart in two without so much as a care in the world! I just...I just feel like locking myself up in here and never leaving...at least I'd never have to see his face again.

"H-he to-told her...t-that he lo-loved her...oh god, C-Carls...", I whimper, biting down on my lip to stop it from quivering anymore. How could this be happening to me? All the signs pointed to the two of us ending up together! I just...I just don't understand. How could he fall in love with _her?_ She nearly ruined everything before, way back when...she tried taking him away from the two of us. And even before then, she always displayed a bit of jealousy when it came to me and Carly...how could **he** do this?

"Shhhh", she whispers into my ear soothingly. "Don't worry about him right now, Sam...I'm here for you, and I always will be. We're gonna get through this...but I need you to tell me how this all went down. I'm not saying you have to right now...but if it's alright with you, I'd like to discuss this...you know I'll listen to you."

Weakly nodding my head, I remove my face from her shoulder and wipe away the tears. I'm sure I look like a pure and utter mess right now. I try to fix my unfixable hair, and compose myself as best as I can at the moment. I figure it's best to get it all out now than to hold it in and cry myself to death again while talking about it later on. Carly gets a look in her eye, like she feels that I'm ready to spill the beans (she's got a motherly sixth sense like that), and places her hand on my damp shoulder reassuringly.

"Sam...you don't have to talk about it right now. I'll understand if you want to just sleep and forget right now."

I shake my head again, pawing away at any stray tears and tucking wet strands of my hair behind my ear. I bite down on my lip...maybe now isn't the best time to talk about this, I realize. But before I can even say anything more, Carly hugs me again and takes me by the hand, lifting me up off the couch and leading me to the elevator. Once we step inside, she looks over to me and gives me a warm smile, one that makes me feel a little better...but in the grand scheme of things...

"I know it's hard right now...I know you really, really liked him, Sammy..."

"I...I lo-loved him...I st-still do, Carls..."

The words are harder to get out than I thought they'd be. She gave me a sympathetic smile and another brief hug as the door opened and we walked out. "Here...take a shower and go change...you're sleeping up here tonight."

I gave my best friend an incredulous look, like I couldn't believe what she just said. "Are...you sure?", I whispered, getting a nod from Carly in response. "I...I can't...I don't wanna be...a distraction...I'll just sleep on the couch..."

"No no, you're not sleeping by yourself down there. Whether you want to admit it or not, you need a friend right now, and I'm not gonna let you suffer alone like that. Like I told you, we'll get through this...together."

"But Carls...", I whine, trying to protest, but I get a grin from Carly as she grabs my arm and takes me into her room, handing me a towel and a fresh pair of clothes, gently pushing me in the direction of the bathroom. I hear the door click shut behind me, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the heartache from just a couple of hours ago. After taking my clothes off, I step into the shower and let the warm water wash over me, doing it's best to try and rid my body of stench that today will leave me with permanently. I...still can't believe it. Did today really happen? Maybe I dreamt it all. That'd be nice...to wake up and know that what I saw never really happened. I don't understand it all, though. What does he see in her? What's she have that I don't?

There's so many questions running through my head, and very little answers. I turn off the shower and begin the process of drying myself off, slipping into one of Carly's robes and wrapping my hair up into a towel. When I step out into the room, Carly's already lying in her bed, propped up against the headstand and sitting cross-legged.

"Feel any better, Sam?", she asks, yawning while stretching her limbs out. I can tell that she's about ready to pass out after a hard day of being Carly and helping to make me feel even the tiniest bit better. I nod my head and lay down on the couch, my makeshift bed for the night.

"A little bit...thanks for everything, Carls...you really didn't need to do any of this."

She gives me a sleepy smile while she struggles with keeping her eyes open. Another yawn escapes her lips as she slides down under her sheets "It's no problem, Sammy...we'll...talk in the...morning."

The next thing I know, I glance over and she's out cold, head resting comfortably on her pillow. A faint smile crosses my lips as I remove the towel from my hair and throw on my spare sleep clothes, plopping down onto the couch as I pull the blanket that Carly gave me as a cover. For the longest time, as I try to will myself to sleep, all I find myself doing is staring at the ceiling...and thinking of him. Except, instead of asking myself questions that will go largely unanswered or making myself hate him...I'm drawn to all the good times that we shared together. All the laughs...all the jokes...the arm wrestling...the fighting...the kisses...

I'm still in love with him. But I can't have him...and it's killing me slowly on the inside.

Congratulations, Freddie Benson. You've officially broken my heart. I hope you're happy.

**Hope you all enjoyed that! Lates! **


	2. there's something wrong with me

**Here's chapter two! Hope you all enjoy.**

**Still don't own anything. Still can't believe we have to wait till August for iLMM.**

It's been three whole days since my heart was broken into tiny pieces. All because of _him._ Carly's tried her best to cheer me up, but none of her attempts have worked, and they might never work. I've been in a state of shock ever since I saw everything unfold before my eyes. Neither one of us have spoken to him in the three days since. He's tried calling and texting both of us...I wanted to break so bad and respond to one of them and tell him off. But Carls grabbed my phone and hid it from me, and as a show of true friendship, she's ignored all of his calls and texts too. Where would I be without her? Probably crying my eyes out every night. It's amazing how much of a rock Carly's become for me.

All we've done since then is stay inside the apartment. The few times Carly left me alone was when she went to school, because she knew better than to try and drag me there when I had almost all of my classes with that jerk. So when she was at school, I pretty much remained locked up in her room, either sleeping or writing down my feelings about everything in a book that Carly gave me. She says it'll help me with my anger towards the whole thing. I'd rather break something than write anything in a book...but I know that she's trying her hardest to help me get through this, so it's the _least_ I could do to show her that I appreciate everything she's doing.

I heard the door swing open and in walked Carly, holding up a big bag of chinese food and another bag that I'm sure was filled with various meats. She was smiling all the way as she set the bags down on the bed, sitting across from me. I looked up from my notebook at her and smiled weakly at her. If this was any other time, that food would be half gone by now. Now...gorging myself on half my body weight in steaks and eggrolls doesn't seem all too appealing. Carly raises an eyebrow at me as she digs through one of the bags while I turn my attention back to my notebook. I've got a bunch of song lyrics about heartbreak scribbled down along with some of my own thoughts. They're mostly depressing and very unlike me...but whatever. I can't change how I feel about Freddie, and I obviously can't change how he feels about her. That little **tart.** A part of me really just wants to rip her to shreds and make her go crying to her mother. But the voice in my head (which sounds a lot like Carly, now that I think about it) tells me that it's not worth the added trouble. Which, I suppose, it isn't. I can't afford another trip to juvy at this rate. But then again...I do know people...

"Sam, are you thinking murderous thoughts again?", Carly asks, her voice penetrating the air of silence in the room that's been here ever since she left to go get said food an hour ago. I don't look at her this time and instead mumble something under my breath. So **what** if I am? As long as they're not entirely directed at him, it's ok.

"Can you at least say something to me, Sam? You haven't spoken a word all day, and it's upsetting. Have you been writing in the notebook I gave you?", she asks again, more concern apparent in her voice this time. I manage to catch her glance for a moment and all I can do is roll my eyes. Which was probably the wrong thing to do, but ehhh whatever. I just want the pain to end. I want everything to be different than how it is now. I wish that a boy, a stupid stupid **STUPID** boy didn't make me feel like the lowest form of crap ever. Even if he's as kind and caring and hot as Freddie...not now, Puckett. I've done well so far...I need to remain strong for mine and Carly's sake...

"You're not even eating. Sam, I told you, if you want to talk, you know I'll listen. Please...you've done so good so far. Don't break down and shut me out now."

I finally look up from my notebook and stare directly into Carly's eyes. All she wants to do is be there for me and hear me vent and maybe watch me break a few bones or things...well, not so much that last thing, but I'm sure she wants me to just do something. The problem is...I don't know what to do. I've cried myself out and I feel like if I leave her room, I'm going to want to leave the apartment and just run away for good. I don't know where I'd go, but so long as I'd never have to see his face again, I think I'd survive. I'm a Puckett. We can take care of ourselves.

Yet...

"What do you want me to say, Carls? I've said everything I possibly could. Nothing I say or do is going to change the fact that he threw my heart into a blender and turned it on frappe. Whether he knows it or not, he hurt me. He hurt me bad. And there's no going back from that."

Wow, when did I become so serious? That didn't sound anything like me at all...but given the situation, everything I just said is pretty much true. I want to hate him for what he's done to me, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's annoying me to no end, knowing that my stupid idiotic feelings for him are preventing me from breaking every bone in his body. Like I said before...I just wish it would end already.

Carly's giving me a super worried look while she gets up off the bed to go put her jacket away. I shrug my shoulders and return to scribbling random thoughts into my notebook, not even giving the heaping array of food in front of me a second glance. I know there's something wrong with me when a carton of pork fried rice isn't swallowed whole within two minutes of it being put in front of me. But my appetite...surprisingly...hasn't been present these past three days. It's mildly irritating and a bit scary that I'm not devouring food at my usual rate...but it's just a phase. It'll pass...

"Sam, you've got to at least eat. I got all your favorites! Eggrolls, pork fried rice, sweet and sour chicken, spare ribs...ham...beef jerky...two pounds of bacon...nothing?"

"Nothing."

She pouted for a second then mumbled something under her breath about taking a shower and being back shortly. And by shortly, that means two hours. As she disappeared into her bathroom, I glanced over at all the food she got and suddenly felt a small pang of guilt. Carly really didn't have to go out of her way to get all this food for me. Peeking into the bag, I saw packets of ham on the top, so I slid my hand inside the bag and grabbed one. Tearing open the bag, I grabbed a piece and was about to silently enjoy one of my favorite meats ever when there was a soft knock at the door, and Spencer walked in. I quickly ate a piece and threw the rest in the bag as he waved and grabbed a chair, sitting down next to me.

I wonder what he wants...

"Hey Sam. How ya holding up?"

Oh great. He wants to talk. _This_ should go well.

"How do you think, Spence?"

"Wow, that's like, the first words you've spoken to me in three days. I kinda almost forgot what your voice sounded like."

All I could manage at that point was an eye roll as I diverted my attention back to my notebook. I could tell that Spence was frowning because he didn't immediately say anything else, so I took that as my cue to just continue writing things down. I heard music begin to come from the bathroom, which meant that Carly was going to be in there for forever, just like I suspected.

"Sam? You're not gonna talk to me?"

I sighed loud enough for him to hear and set my notebook off to the side. What's the harm in speaking to Spencer? Carly's gonna be a while and well...he's always kinda been like an older brother to me. Just stupid. Loveable. But stupid.

"I haven't really been in the most talkative mood lately, Spence. It's been kinda rough."

"Yeah...Carly told me all about it yesterday, told me why she's keeping you holed up in here and not making you go to school. I'm...I'm sorry about what happened, kiddo."

"You've got no reason to be sorry, Spencer...you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't even know the situation till Carly told you..."

Looking away, I took in a deep breath and ran one of my hands through my hair. What's the worst that could happen, Puckett? He says something dumb and you tell him to leave you alone? Exactly. So you might as well humor him and see if he can say anything different and try to help out.

"I'm just...new to this whole...being hurt thing, you know? Like...I've been hurt before Spence, everyone has...but I've never been hurt like this...it sucks...I don't know whether to cry, scream or do both. I hate this feeling!"

"Sam...it's ok to feel vulnerable every now and then. I know that this is new to you, but you're no different from me or Carly or even Gibby. It happens to everyone, kiddo...are you shedding a tear?"

What? I pawed at my cheek and sure enough, there was a tear there that was threatening to fall. I looked away and cursed myself for showing weakness in front of Spencer...he's not supposed to see me like this. Nobody but Carly is...but he is her older brother, and he's been through a lot of chiz with the thr...two of us...oh this is so confusing and hard for me right now...

"Before you say anything, Sam, don't apologize. I know it's rare that you cry and whatnot, but it's ok...I won't think differently of you. You'll always be the butt kicking, meat loving, lazy but loveable best friend of my little sister who never seems to leave my home. Now c'mere, give old Spencer a hug will ya?"

He smiled warmly at me while I looked up and met his eyes. All told, he really was just trying to help me, and I'm surprised he didn't say anything dumb. He's got his moments though...this was one of them. I reached forward and wrapped my arms around him, and he did the same and it felt...nice. It's a real nice thing knowing that Spence'll always be there for me, even if I do steal all his food and drinks.

Next thing I knew, he was murmuring something about needing to finish his next sculpture before tomorrow, so he patted my head and bid me farewell, disappearing back downstairs while the music from the bathroom still echoed in the room. She really does take forever in there when she's depressed, that girl. I rolled my eyes and laid down on the bed, subconsciously grabbing the pack of ham I opened earlier, eating it while I stared at the ceiling. My eyes were beginning to grow heavy and I was beginning to fall asleep when I heard Carly's phone going off.

Sighing and sitting back up, I swung my legs around and got off the bed, walking to her desk to grab the phone...and then my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. The caller ID read "Freddie". All I could do was stare at the screen, wondering what the heck I should do. I can't interrupt Carly during her shower...she'd kill me. And Spencer's pre-occupied as well..._crapcrapcrap!_

I should probably just let it go. I mean, all his calls and texts have been ignored by Carly since then...so why should this instance be any different? Yeah...just let the call go to voicemail like all the others, Puckett...but why do I have this urge to pick it up and speak with him? Gah this is confusing and bad. The phone kept ringing and ringing...screw it...I should be thankful right now that Carly's in the shower or else she'd really kill me if she saw me doing this...I reached over and...

"Freddie?"


	3. we need to talk

**Here's chapter three guys. Life's been rough but I'm pushing on through. Hope you enjoy!**

**August 13th can't get here fast enough.**

"Why did you answer the phone!"

It's another rainy day in Seattle (no shocker there), and here I am, holed up in the Shay's apartment once more, getting the mother of all lectures from Carly. It's not like I did anything wrong. Well, I did. Not so much wrong though, as it is incredibly, incredibly stupid. So I answered one of Freddie's phone calls last night while she was in the shower for two years. My dumb heart overruled my brain and I just answered it and talked to him. And talked. And talked. I wanted to just scream at him for the longest time and absolutely rip him a new one but what would that have accomplished? Plus, if I was going to do all that to him, I was going to do it to his face...which is the least I could do, considering, you know, he **STILL** hasn't had the decency to tell me that he's dating** THAT** little witch.

I know, me calling another girl a witch. Pot, meet kettle. But for as much chiz I did to Freddie, at least I could always, you know, apologize to him if I went too far (hello broadcasting that he'd never kissed a girl on the internet, it's been a while, how are _you?_), where as that dirt eating skunkbag didn't once come up to the three of us and apologize for trying to tear our threesome apart way back when. And then he goes and forgives her so easily? They become friends? He falls in love with her?

"How could you do that!"

My thoughts exactly.

"I was stupid?"

It wasn't meant to come out as a question but it did anyways. I look up and see Carly's eye twitching, and right there I know that the worst has yet to come. Why can't Gibby just burst into the apartment acting like a dum dum and be all shirtless? Or how come Spencer can't spontaneously set something on fire...I then remember that the two of them are out getting bear traps and umbrellas...something about camping or a new sculpture he needed help on, who knew with those two goofballs. Either way, I'm seriously wishing one of them would come back so that I'd be spared the fire and brimstone that I'm sure is about to come spewing out of Carly's cute little mouth.

"You're darn right you were stupid, Sam! Do you have any idea what you did last night? You answered the phone when **FREDDIE** called!"

"Really? I thought that it was Rona Berger calling to tell you how much she hated you."

I inwardly cringe almost immediately; sarcasm is not going to save me here. I'm pretty sure I just saw her nostrils flare, and the eye is still twitching. This isn't good. Not. At. All.

"Don't you go and act all sarcastic with me, Sam! You're the one who showed a chink in your armor and answered the phone last night! You're the one that spoke to him! Now what? You're gonna tell me he wants to see you and talk about stuff?"

Closing my eyes and letting out a small breath, all I wish I could do right now is just sink into the couch and become a part of it, or crawl under a rock and hide there forever. Carly would never find me under a rock. I could hide and eat all the Fat Cakes I want and I wouldn't have to hear all her rants and raves and whatnot. Yeah, that'd be a cool life. No dork, too. That'd be a pretty neat little added bonus. Oh who the heck am I kidding? That'd totally suck. I'll take a crazy psycho rant from Carls any day over living under an idiotic rock.

"No, I didn't say anything like that, Carls..."

"Then what did you two talk about, hmm? Did you tell him your feelings for him? Did he mention how he was dating a jerk? Did he ask about why we've been ignoring him for the past four days? I want answers, Sam!"

"He did ask about why we weren't talking to him..."

The words come out softer and more timidly than I had hoped they would. I hate when I sound all weak and powerless like that, but right now, I feel like I'm at a loss for words over this entire situation. Why? Why do I constantly let that _nub_ do these things to me? And why did I enjoy talking to him so much? I should've hated it the second I answered the phone. But just...I know this sounds so not like me...but hearing his voice calmed me. It's so weird. Ugh, listen to me right now. I sound like Melanie would over some stupid boy that caught her eye up at her school. Which is the exact same situation I'm in right now. Which is why I hate myself for this. And at least Melanie got to tell the boy how she felt about him without him taking her heart and spiking it onto the ground like a football.

"And what did you tell him?"

"That was the point in the conversation where I told him that he needed to leave the two of us alone for a few more days. Or possibly the rest of our lives...he kept asking why but at that point I heard you coming out of the shower so I panicked and I told him to shut up and then I hung up on him. There, happy now?"

By now, her eye has stopped twitching and the color of her face isn't as red as the shirt she's wearing or the strawberries I ate earlier. She seemed to soften her stance, but I could still make out the faintest hint of a scowl on her face as she sat down next to me on the couch. There really is no pleasing this girl sometimes. You think I'd of realized that after being her best friend for only, what, forever? Yeah. You'd **think** that.

"Not completely. You still answered the phone and actually spoke to him. But I'm proud of you for telling him to leave you alone in a nice, non-violent, non-threatening way. There's hope for you yet, Puckett."

"Yeah well...if I went off on him, you'd of surely heard me screaming at the top of my lungs and not heard it from Spencer...I never should have told him."

"Yeah, I still don't know why you thought that was a good idea. I mean, I love him cause he's my brother and all...but let's face it, Spencer can't keep a secret to save his life...I've gone through enough dead goldfishes and more than enough house fires to know that. What made you think that he'd keep such a big secret to himself?"

"I was stupid?"

This time around, Carly laughs and pulls me into a half hug. I've probably asked myself this question a lot over the past week or so, but where the heck would I be without Carly in my life? She definatly is my rock, and I was too stubborn and ignorant to not realize it until now. Funny how it takes heart-breaking moments like what I've been through to truly realize what you've got in life. Turns out that I've got the best friend ever.

We stayed like that for a few more seconds, laughing and hugging, before the door swung open to reveal Spencer and Gibby walking in holding huge brown paper bags of who knows what.

"Hey girls, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just..."

My eyes grow wide as I see the person walking in behind Spencer and Gibby. Carly raises an eye before turning around and seeing exactly who I saw. She then quickly spun right back around and gave me an alarmed look, while I just stared blankly ahead, a huge rush of conflicting emotions crashing and cascading over me. My throat became so dry it felt like a desert. I could only choke out one word as he stared at me with an uneasy, nervous smile on his face.

"You."

Oh Spencer and Gibby...you two are _so_ dead when I'm done with this.

"Hey Carly...hey Sam."

Almost immediately, Carly shot up from the couch and walked over to where Freddie was standing, grabbing him by the wrist and forcefully dragging him out of the apartment and into the hall, slamming the door behind her, leaving me on the couch with Spencer shaking his head and Gibby giving me a questioning look. I guess Spence didn't spill the beans about it...good. Having Spencer in on what happened was bad enough...Gibby would do something stupid like tell the whole school about how I felt about Freddie...can't afford that. Out of nowhere, there was screaming in the hallway. The three of us turned our heads to face the door, wincing every time Carly screamed and Freddie lamely answered, which only led to more screaming. It was actually kinda sad, and I almost felt bad for the barrage of hatred that Freddie was getting...and then I thought that this was going to be tame compared to what I'd have to say to him if I ever got the chance.

"Do you have **ANY** idea what you being here right now is **DOING!**"

"I just wanted to see you two..."

"Well you **CAN'T!** And you should **KNOW** why we don't want to see you!"

"It doesn't help when I don't know what I did..."

I could practically feel Carly's urge to jackslap the living chiz out of him right then and there. By now, Spencer and Gibby had retreated to the studio with their things, and I was all alone in the living room, listening intently to Carly and Freddie's heated conversation. I heard a loud smack -which I'm sure was Carly smacking her palm against her forehead (or Freddie's face) -followed by more screaming. Eventually, the door opened and in walked Carly, looking like she was ready to scream some more or ready to hurt someone or break something. Her hair was frazzled and all over the place, her face was flushed red and she just didn't look like she was in one of her better moods. I was almost afraid to speak to her, that's how scary looking she was to me right now. But right as I was about to open my mouth, there was a soft knock on the door, followed by...

"GO AWAY, FREDDIE!"

I winced at the viciousness in her voice. I don't think I've ever seen Carly this mad in the entire time that we've been best friends. And I don't think I've ever seen her turn Freddie away in the way that she's doing right now. If this were any other situation, I'd actually feel bad for Freddie. But...well, this wasn't any other situation. He's just lucky that it was Carly and not me. She'll apologize about it to him...eventually. I won't.

"You ok, kid?"

After composing herself and fixing her hair, she sat down next to me and nodded her head in response. There was another knock at the door and for a second, I swear I thought I saw a vein in Carly's neck pop as her head slowly turned to face the door. For once, it was me who was doing the calming down and trying to not let Carly kill the little jerk. Funny how life works out like that sometimes, right? I'd be laughing if this was a different time and place. Eventually, the knocking ceased and I could only assume that he went back into his own apartment to sulk and ponder what he did wrong...as if he actually needed to think of what he did. Gosh, for a smart kid, he really did have his idiotic moments. I use to tease him and say that he was the dumbest smart kid I knew. I usually was kidding when I said it. Yeah, not anymore.

"I swear...why are boys so stupid?"

"Wish I had an answer to that, Carls. And um...not that I care or anything, but...what did he say to you when you two were outside?"

"Other than what you heard?"

All I can do is nod my head and remain silent. I know I shouldn't care about what he had to say, but I do. Did he say anything about me? Did he confess to Carly? My mind is racing with so many thoughts, I almost don't hear Carly clearing her throat to try and get my attention.

"He asked me why you weren't out there with me, screaming at him."

"Oh...really? What else did he say?"

"He kept asking why I was mad and why you looked so upset when he walked in. He's so clueless! And he still wouldn't admit to seeing that...that...she-beast. I swear, if he tries coming over here again, I'll...I'll..."

"You'll do nothing, Carly. Don't worry about it...I can understand why you'd want to smack him around and I really appreciate the concern and your eagerness to want to kick some butt...even if it's Freddie's...but I'll...figure it out on my own, alright? Just not now."

"Are you sure, Sam?"

I nod my head and give my best friend a hug. Standing up from the couch, I give Carly a grateful look before walking over to the coat rack and grabbing my jacket. She moved to stop me from leaving, but I put my hand up and she stopped dead in her tracks. Good girl. As much as she liked to be involved with my life and help me out whenever she could, Carls knew when to not overstep her boundaries. Now is one of those times.

"I'm gonna go home, Carls...I need to think about everything. I'll call as soon as I get home and I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

She smiles and walks over to me, giving me one of those comforting hugs that only Carly Shay can give. Our foreheads touch and she whispers some words of encouragement into my ear as I smile and bid her farewell. Walking out of the apartment and into the hall, I looked straight at Freddie's apartment door and stared at it for a few seconds. I kicked it as hard as I could, then walked past it and down the hall, toward the elevator. Right as it was about to hit the eigth floor, I felt a hand grab me by the wrist and practically drag me away somewhere. The next thing I knew, I felt the steel grating underneath my feet and I was standing mere inches away from Freddie Benson himself. I slowly began to panic on the inside as I soon realized that Carly couldn't help me out now. He opened his mouth and uttered the four words I didn't want to hear.

"We need to talk."

Suddenly, I was wishing I had taken the elevator in her apartment...


	4. say something

**Hey everyone! It's been a while, but August was hectic as all hell. But that was then and this is now. Hope you all enjoy this newest chapter. It may be a little short, but it's gearing up for the last two chapters. Happy reading!**

**And who can't wait till Saturday for iDate Sam & Freddie? It's going to be awesome!**

I could literally _feel_ the awkardness in the air.

The two of us have been standing out here on the fire escape for the past fifteen minutes and not a word has been said by either of us. I could have been home by now if I wasn't an idiot and taken the elevator in Carly's apartment. I could be devouring a box of low fat Fat Cakes and drinking all the Wahoo Punch in my fridge. I could be anywhere but **HERE**, on the **FIRE ESCAPE**, with **HIM**. God, sometimes I really hate my life.

"Are you going to say anything, Sam?"

I really, really hate my life.

"Come on, Puckett...say something...please."

"Something."

He rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. I wasn't going to make this easy for him, no way, no how. He could pout and complain and act like a child (like he hadn't been doing that already), but he wasn't going to get anything out of me unless he really earned it. I'm content to make him hurt like he's been making me hurt. If he couldn't man up and tell me who he's seeing and who he's so madly in love with, then why should I open up to him and say anything? Why should I even be giving him a chance to speak?

"Seriously, Sam?"

"What? You said say something."

I could tell he was getting frustrated more and more by the second, but so what? Why should I care if he's getting upset? He dug himself into this grave, and he's too stupid to realize that it's too steep and that he'll never be able to dig himself out of it. If I really wanted to, I'd break his arms and then leave him there, crying like the little girl he really is, but a part of me (a very, _very_ small part) wants to stay here and see what he's got to say, just to hear how pathetic he'll sound. Which, I'm guessing, will be really pathetic.

"Why are you acting like this? You've been so...distant. And weird. Did something happen at home? Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine. What's it to you."

"You're lying to me, Sam."

"Oh, you know me too **well**."

The sarcasm's practically dripping off each and every one of my words. He's got a mix of frustration and worry on his face, but anyone with half a brain could tell that his concern is fake. I really should just break his arms and be done with it. But something's keeping me rooted to this spot...my heart. And the fact that one thing, no matter how strong it may be, is keeping me from killing him and leaving is irritating me to no end.

"Sam...what did I do?"

Oh, how I wish I could just throw him over the ledge right now.

"You should know what you did, Benson."

"It doesn't help when you and Carly won't tell me what I did that was so wrong and horrible! Why can't you two just tell me so I can try and fix it!"

"Telling you would make it too easy for you. We're girls. We want to make this as absolutely hard as possible for you, Fredward."

"There's no reason for you to be acting so unreasonable right now, Sam."

With those thirteen little words, I whipped around quicker than you could say 'beef jerky' and I was in his face, almost touching nose to nose with him. Where the chiz did he get off saying that to me? Did he really have **NO** idea what he did? He really must not've realized how utterly stupid and near-sighted he sounded when he said that. It took every fiber of my being to not kick his face in at that exact moment, only because the reprimand from Carly would be pure hell, even if she would also agree that he deserved it. Kinda hypocritical, but it is what it is.

"You don't get it, Benson. Just shut up and leave me alone right now, for your own good."

"What the heck happened since last night? You were fine when we spoke on the phone last night!"

"And that was a mistake and a show of weakness on my part. It's not gonna happen again, believe me on that. Leave me alone, Benson. I'm serious."

My eyes were staring holes through his face, and I'm pretty sure that warm feeling in my palms is blood from my nails being dug so tightly into them. All I could think about was kicking him around like I used to, back in the day, but part of me didn't think it was worth it. Who knew that a chance to beat the chiz out of Freddie Benson would come and go like this. I didn't.

"Sam...why can't you just talk to me?"

"Why can't you just be up front and honest about everything? Why do you have to hide everything from your two best friends? Why do you have to be so damn stupid?"

He takes a step back and puts his arms up in defense of himself, but I'm not going to whale on him tonight, oh no. You know I'm angry when I don't want to beat him to a pulp.

"Sam..."

"When you learn to open your eyes and realize that all you could have had has been standing right in front of you for _years_, then I'll talk to you. Until then...I don't want anything to do with you, Benson."

I turned around and faced the window, expecting him to try and grab me, to try and make me stay, but no such resistance came. So I slid through the open window, and I ran. I just ran, and ran and ran. Somehow, I ended up at home, kicking the front door open and scaling the steps to my room. When I finally reached it, I collapsed...and I cried. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry again over this, not like I did three nights ago, but it was harder than it was then. Was he really that thick headed and ignorant? How could he lie so blatantly to my face? I mean, I'm not one to talk...but him...I'd never have expected that from him. I seriously hope he's happy. And I hope that he's proud for doing the one thing I never thought he'd do to me, or that anyone would do to me, for that matter.

Break me.

* * *

><p>It's nearly been two weeks since I last saw Sam. She hasn't responded to any of my calls, texts, e-mails, none of them. I've gone over to her house every day since, sometimes more than once, but either nobody answers the door or her mother screams at me and tells me to go away. I'm beyond the point of being worried...I'm scared for my best friend right now. What if she ran away? She could be anywhere, or anyone...I wouldn't put it past Sam to change her identity or her look so that nobody would recognize her from iCarly. Spencer keeps telling me that I should calm down, that everything will be ok...but I know better.<p>

"And it's all his fault."

Gibby looked up at me with a puzzled expression, while I sighed. Of course, I couldn't expect him to fully understand the situation that was at hand if he didn't know a decent portion of the details. I had only told him bits and pieces here and there, and Freddie wasn't telling him a dang thing, so it was up to me to fill him in as best I could.

"Freddie's fault? Harsh. I thought you two were like, best friends? It sounds like you're pretty upset with him."

"That's because I am, Gibby. Sam has...ugh, well, let's just say that Sam's been looking at Freddie differently for a while now, and she's made it fairly noticeable too, but he's just been too..."

"Stupid?"

"Exactly...wait, were **you** calling someone **else** _stupid?_"

"Yeah, duh. I'm Gibbeh. I'm like, the smartest kid ever."

And right after he said that, he managed to squirt ketchup all over his hideous looking Hawaiian shirt. Yep, smartest kid ever, he was. A natural Einstein.

"I meant to do that."

"Right. Anyways...yeah, he's been too stupid to realize it. I knew Freddie could have his dumb moments, but this has just been...unbelievable. And now...I can't even find Sam. What if something happened to her, Gib?"

He finished cleaning himself up and sighed as he sat back down next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze in an effort to try and calm me down.

"This is Sam we're talking about here...she's tough as nails. I'm sure that if she's out there somewhere, she's kicking butts and taking names. She might not even have run away, to be honest. She just might be locked away in her room and shutting herself out from the world."

"Yeah...but for two weeks?"

"I will answer that with another question...how much did she really care about Freddie?"

I lean back in my chair for a moment and let that sink in. At that point, many thoughts began to swim through my mind, each one more confusing than the last. There's so much history between the two of, some of which I don't even know about, I imagine, that it's hard to really pinpoint when she really started to fall for him and stopped hating him. But even then, when we were still kids...I always had an underlying feeling that she did care about him, even if it meant pulling her teeth out to get her to admit it. She just didn't realize it until...I don't even know. It just kind of...happened. And I feel bad for not realizing it sooner than I did.

"She's always cared about him, Gibby. She always has...most of the time though, she didn't know it...until, you know, unfortunately for her, it was too late. And now look what's happened."

"He still hasn't told you he's dating her, has he?"

"No...and that's why I haven't spoken to him since. It's so unlike Freddie to be this way, but something tells me that it's not all him that's doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I think she's pulling the strings and telling him to act this way, threatening to break up with him if he doesn't. And he's so blindly and ignorantly in love with her that he'll do anything he says...but I think he feels bad, even if it's only a little bit. I think he wanted to tell us...but he hasn't summoned up the courage to do so."

"You really think that, Carly?"

I thought back to earlier times, when they had known each other...and it made my blood boil. Freddie was always such a great friend, and loyal to a tee...but she tried changing him. He came to his senses then...but now, not so much. She's beginning to change him again and use his emotions against him...and she's hurting Sam, too. She's hurting all three of us. And if I ever get my hands on her...I'll do Sam proud and show that little witch a thing or two.

"Yeah Gib...I really do."

* * *

><p>I sighed as I lugged my bag up the steps to my destination. I really couldn't believe I was doing this, but it needed to be done. I couldnt stay there any longer...not with him parading around with that little evil skunkbag and acting like everything in the world is fine. I took a deep breath and let another sigh loose as I reached the door and knocked three times. Before I knew it, I was greeted with a stunned expression and that high pitch voice I so love to loathe.<p>

"Sam? What are you doing here?"

"Hi Melanie. I'm your new roommate."


End file.
